"Oh, I like your hair!" They always say that as if I am inclined to feel some type of way about it. I do not. I think there is really no need to be complimented on something that comes naturally. Aside from it's color, my hair grows from its root which is embedded into my scalp. It grows naturally. The texture is natural! Naturally coiled and curly, rolled tight in some places and in other places its puffy and soft like cotton. Over the last year or so, I have grown to love the texture of my hair and wear it without abandonment but I was not always this way.
My hair played a very significant role in my self esteem as a child. It was what gave me confidence and made me feel beautiful. It was also what game me the most insecurity and made me feel ugly. I wore my natural hair until i was 11 years old (Middle School age). Back then there were not a whole lot of black children wearing their hair in their natural texture unless they had what everyone deemed "Good Hair", which just means that you had smoother softer kink free hair with wavy texture. But even people with that hair texture still got their hair either relaxed or straightened. Why? Because back then women were not really educated on how to manage their hair in its natural state, and still have it look "presentable" to the general public. I remember wearing my hair two ways, in ponytails with ribbons or in plaits and hair bows. It was not acceptable anymore to just wear your hair free because it would become dry and unable to comb. I remember when I got my hair washed, my mother took too long to do my hair and it dried out. Oh Man! It was so painful to comb through, and me yelping and screaming with every pull just stressed my mother out! Oh it would be just simpler to just perm it and then we would not have to worry about all this primp and prep! Relaxers and Perms just made life EASIER!
Children as young as 3 years old were getting chemically treated hair, just so their parents can manage their kinky cotton fluffed tresses. Smooth and straight and easy to comb is what everyone wanted! After all, its so embarrassing to not be able to run fingers through your hair or better yet, run a comb through it. I saw them in the grocery stores and hair salons, combs of different shapes and sizes. But we all know what comb we had to use, that thick wide toothed Afro comb. Wouldn't it be nice if we could use the smaller skinny toothed combs instead? But no, we have to be able to run a comb through it, and those combs would just break from the strength of the natural kinks. Yes, a perm or relaxer would solve all of our problems. Or so it seems.
But have we really looked into what chemical relaxers do for us long term? I have asked several women on why they do not wear their natural hair texture, (I use natural hair texture because weaves are so prevalent among the black community and someone can be natural and still wear weaves which is also not considered to be natural). Most of them say they can not remember a day when they did not have a perm/relaxer and would not know the first thing of how to style it. So, would it be safe to say that these women never really had a choice in deciding how they would wear their hair? It seems like that would be the case for some women. What age would be appropriate for chemically treated hair? I know even for some adults, 3 years old sounds a bit too young, however hair texture does play a significant part in choosing when to relax the hair.
Most of us, (like myself) never really experienced what it was like to 'deal' with our natural hair because we always had someone else do our hair and tell us whether it was good or bad. I have always been told I had good hair, but i never felt like that because I had others telling me that my hair was nappy and I needed a perm. Nappy has become a term we used to describe a natural texture that is, simply enough, unable to run a comb through. But what if our hair was not made for combs? What if our hair was made for something much more sociable? Something to be celebrated not looked down upon. Our hair is so unique it should be respected and praised! Who needs combs when we can comb our hair with our fingers!
When I first decided to go natural, I knew nothing but one piece of advise that my sister in law told me. DON'T USE A COMB TO COMB YOUR HAIR. I took that piece of advise as if Jesus himself told me and since then I do not use combs. Instead, I used Pantene Pro-V Relax to Natural Conditioner to wash my hair, then leave it in for five minutes (while under a drier when I have time) then rinse. While I am rinsing my hair, I finger comb my hair, feeling for all the tangles and gently detangling with my fingers. Having the conditioner in while you detangle your hair with your fingers makes it easy! I have noticed a difference in the feel of my hair, its soft to the touch when it is dry (which is a good indicator that its well conditioned). I found out that the more tight the coils are, the more you have to keep it moisturized and conditioned because it can dry out easily because the cuticles are open, not closed like smooth straight hair. I usually have to wash my hair twice a week, which is more than when I used to relax my hair. When I feel my hair getting dry, I wash it using conditioner, never shampoo because shampoo can strip natural oils from the hair as it cleans. I deep condition once a week, just to keep my hair soft. And to dry my hair, I add Olive Oil and Sure Shine Curl Activating Gel to twist my hair while it is still wet, and allow it to air dry in the twists. Now I have a routine that works for me, and I enjoy it!
I love the texture of my hair and the fact that if I want to color my hair, I can do so without any worries of damaging my hair as long as I keep it moisturized and conditioned. The bronze color only makes the texture of my hair more defined and beautiful and I am sure that once you decide to make that change for yourself , you will come to realize the REAL you! and love her all the more! Because Your Natural Hair is Good Hair!
I intentionally wrote this blog to touch on subjects such as self esteem, and how having kinky textured hair makes you feel? Do you continue to relax your hair to "fit in" to society? Would you feel as though having a 'fro or wearing twists or dreads make people look at you a certain way? Tell me what you think or just leave a comment about your own experiences and amazing journeys to Natural Hair.
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